Blog Posts

An open letter to a "Roadie"

Dear "sir", and I use the term loosely,

I want to take more time to answer a question you asked me yesterday morning, because I was in a rush and I didn't have time to give you a PROPER response. As I was prepping "the Tank" for the fun ride (#NotARace) you went out of your way to roll up, and say "Could you possibly add MORE weight to your bike?" You asked it in the "down your nose with a side order of disdain" that text can't quite convey but is definitely there.

"The Tank", my tour bike

Now that I'm not rushing to prep a bike for a 62 mile ride, I can give you an answer. I could painstakingly detail that I was being the team mule, or that the more upright seating position is more comfortable on my back, or that its a touring bike designed to haul almost 600 pounds if need be and this is relatively light, but the reality is you didn't WANT an answer. You just wanted to be a snob.

In my years on this planet I've learned that there are snobs in every hobby. People who think that unless you do the thing exactly as they do you're worthless. People who scoff when they perceive that you haven't spent as much money as they have on the hobby. People who see others doing the thing differently and believe they shouldn't be there. People who really enjoy ruining other people's fun because it's not compatible with how you believe they should have fun. And considering your +$7000 bike, $750 skintight skivvies and $250 shades, I think you hit all of these prerequisites.

Snobs really only want one of a few things, confrontation, conformity or exile. I've been trying to figure out which one you wanted. Were you expecting me to stop mid pack, say "Oh wow, you're so right." and then tear all the bags off the bike? Were you expecting me to stop, look at the ground forlornly, and put the bike back on the vehicle while crying all the way home?

Or were you expecting me to confront you on it? That wouldn't be a smart move, as I could have probably broken you in half without breaking a sweat. (#ClydesdaleCycling) And if you were hoping for a battle of wits I'm afraid to inform you that you were SEVERELY outgunned. I say this because the answer I gave you, "Naw, I could pile more-on", the double entendre went so far over your head I'm shocked you didn't get a nosebleed.

Look, Mr Roadie, we all gain enjoyment from our hobbies in different ways. You're a middle aged man who likes to wear "distilled 1980's colors" skin-tight clothing and pretend you're as fast as a tour-de-France rider in a non-race fondo. I like wearing my tour "baggies" and t-shirt and being casual on a fun run. You want to drop people from your group to show how powerful a rider you are. I like helping my friends by carrying all the food, water, repair kits and first aid kits and we may never need. You like going fast and posting Strava KOM's. I like looking around and seeing the cool stuff on the route. And both are compatible on the same roads, even in the same fun run.

But you know what? You do you. Enjoy, have fun, but get over yourself. Just because I haven't dropped the GDP of a small country into a hobby doesn't make me less worthy to be here. And if I want to load my bike down carrying supplies, that's literally on me, not you. If you want to believe you're better than me for running a leaner bike and tighter clothing, sure, whatever bro. I wasn't there to break land speed records. I was there to be with friends and hang out doing something we all like. If you can't imagine people doing things for different reasons, you might want to reconsider your life.

A happy to be riding Clydesdale cyclist,

-Tyger

"SO! Where ya goin'?" You can't be an introvert on a tour bike.

If you're an introvert that doesn't like to talk to people, don't get a touring bike.

Next weekend I'm going to be riding in the Chicago "Tour De Cure", and only doing the 30 mile distance 'cuz I wanna have fun. But to make it a little more challenging, I'm going to be riding it under "Tour load". the pic I put with this is me last summer riding said Marrakesh from Seattle to Milwaukee. (that's another story tho...) so you can get an idea of what a "fully loaded" tour bike looks like.

P8070209.JPG

"The Tank" (as I call it) slimmed down a little, but it still has a trail weight around 90 or so pounds. 30 of them is the bike alone, and the rest is "everything I need to live on ad infinitum". Shelter, bedding, food, water (And Nuun, gotta mention that...) cookware, clothing, camp stuff, wet weather gear, comfy sandals... I even got a kitchen sink in there. Hence why I call it "The Tank", with the bags on she looks armoured.

One of the things I learned is that you can't just jump into hard mode, you need to practice and train. And I've gotten used to my Warbird (a much lighter, more nimble beast), so I need to ride the Tank again, and load it down to tour weight. Today was the day to do it.

Plotted a local route that was vertically enhanced (side note, ow...) loaded up my bike, and went. And a 37 mile route took me almost 6 hours. Why? The Tank is a conversation starter.

The usual opener is "Where ya going?" And fair enough, you have this much luggage on a bike you're probably going SOMEWHERE. And it also leads to the "So what do you have going on in here?" (IE : What's in the bags, and why is there a USB port on the stem?) And then logistics. "How much chamois cream do you use?" "Where do you sleep?" "Where do you eat?" "You're seriously carrying full camping supplies in there?" "How do you change a flat?"

The winner of today's "Out of nowhere question" award went to an older gent who asked me how liked riding an electric bike. I told him it wasn't electric. "So what's the solar panel for?" So I had to explain that it was charging a battery for my electronics when I got to camp, and that I was doing a lot of remote camping so I couldn't always get to a power source. And he seemed satisfied with that, in the context of the rest of the bags and the 2L of water I had on me too I obviously was ready to go "off grid".

What I'm saying is you get a LOT of questions. And I don't mind answering them. Cycling around here, and I'd venture almost everywhere in the US, is focused on races, speed and aero. Those who aren't are mostly family people, riding bikes with the kids as a weekend activity. Anyone who has a bag on the bike is usually commuting to work or school. So you get someone with the full "armour plating" and it stands out. And it makes people wonder "What's that about?"

But I think there's another factor too. As I said, the focus at most bike shops to higher-end consumers is speed. Get the aero helmet, the carbon bike and wheels, go tubeless to save watts, get the skin-tight-skivvies to cut the air resistance... Then I roll up. It's like driving a Hummer into a Ferarri parking lot, and none of the other people in the lot have ever SEEN a Humvee only heard legends of one.

That in mind, I think that when people ask questions, it's not just idle curiosity. A few weeks ago at a shop event I rode the tour bike with the bags only (no weight), and a couple were asking me some VERY specific questions. Logistics, where to get gear, how I planned routes, where I slept... And I could see the gears turning.

Once they see a tour bike "in the flesh" (so to speak), it's almost like a door to a new challenge opens. "Could I ride EVERY DAY?" "Could I pedal myself over the Rocky Mountains?" "Could I live off of a bicycle?" And it's always fun when you see the dawning realization they have of "I could do that."

In a way, I get why EVERYONE wants to talk to me when I'm riding the Marrakesh fully loaded down. But, in another way, I'd love to see so many tour cyclists out there that it's commonplace enough that they really don't have to. But for now, I don't mind fielding the questions. If I can inspire one person to try it? Mission accomplished.

We begin in 3 days, and I'm not ready for this.

You ever get that feeling before an event...  "I'm not ready."  I got that, right now.  Pretty badly.  And it's very justified.

The brief history.  I've decided to enter into a few 62-68 mile events this spring figuring I wanted to try out some more remote gravel style events.  And I knew I had all winter to prepare.  And I did what I could, and it's not enough.  Past expirence, and this last weekend is proof of that.

The truth of things is I can't "Zwift" more than 1 hour, 2 if I really endure the bad pain.  (different than "good pain", you know what I mean.)  So my indoor rides have been 1 hour of riding, and then 45 minutes of setup/teardown.  Oh, umm, because of my living arrangements, running "Zwift" in my place is like furniture origami.  I only topped short of creating a "Murphy Bike".  (I'll be pleased if any of you get that...)

I tried some outdoor rides, and well...  that was memorable when I could get out there.  Not a great winter for cycling, and I was trying to ride.  It doesn't help that my gear isn't "winter" rated.  At best it's "chilly" rated.

Now combine that with trying to dial in a gear combo that works for me, and yeah it's frustrating.  The other day I did a 40 miler into that port-a-potty tipping wind, and ended up full body sore.  But I was also trying a backpack with 3L of Nuun mix to prevent frozen bottle syndrome.

Bright side, water stayed warmer.  Down side, it made my back, shoulders and arms absolutely ache because of the weight of it and the foul weather gear on my back.  Not worth it, looking at alternatives.  With less than 4 days to go.

And speaking of that, alternatives.  The rule of thumb is to not change ANYTHING 2 weeks before an event, right?  I just bought a new saddle.  The absolutely stupidest thing I can do, but it has to be better than the stock one, and more comfortable than the road saddle that doesn't like the gravel bike.

And lemme see, changing the outfit, adding leg warmers then knee warmers than thermal layers, trying to work a wind layer that doesn't make me a 1-man portable sauna system, trying "wind proof" socks (they exist) and helmet / bandanna / cap combos...

And dammit, I can't get comfortable.  There's no combo of anything that feels "right".  According to "Zwift" I'm wattage stronger, but I certainly don't feel it.  And now it's WAY too late, 'cuz I do know that "cramming" workouts in will only hurt me on the day.

So I've got 4 days to figure out....  everything.  Like how to store water on a self supported 62 mile ride without freezing.  I've got some soft sided coolers from the roadtrip, I might be able to cram some kind of hot-hands and foil thing in there.  I can also pull a trick out of my bag, in that the ride goes through 2 towns and I might be able to get warm water from a gas station.  I'm watching weather reports like a hawk and planning to stuff a weekender bag full of stuff.  Need to get out on the new saddle to test it.  And oh yeah, my normal "day job" too.

There's an old idea, I wish I could tell you where it came from but it's a mindset I'm gonna be carrying for the next month of events.  "When your bow is broken, notch the arrow and fire anyway."  I'm going to the events.  I'm going to "race".  I'm probably going to finish in the bottom 5%.  But I'm finishing it.  Mostly because the point isn't to win, it's to compete and prove that an old, broken, big slow guy can do it.  And through that, some other old, big and broken person might say "ya know...  I could too."

So no, I'm not ready.  But here we go anyway.